fifteen

Today marks day fifteen, the halfway point in the paleo project. So, while most of this blog has been very positive, it’s about time we stop being polite and start getting real.

Things I Don’t Really Miss

  1. Cheddar Cheese
  2. Bread
  3. Tortillas (thanks to you, lettuce leaves!)
  4. Goat cheese
  5. Brownies
  6. Cookies
  7. Beer
  8. All-day high blood sugars

Things I Miss, Like, a Whole Lot, and Probably Will Eat/Drink on Day 31

  1. Diet Coke (I mean, I really like iced tea, but it is getting old.)
  2. Vodka (100% agave tequila just ain’t the same, yo.)
  3. Other sugar-free beverage options
  4. Bar Dog french fries with bourbon mayo
  5. Blue cheese (I don’t miss cheddar cheese, and I didn’t even eat a ton of blue cheese before, but it is so fragrant and adds such a distinct flavor to a meal.)
  6. Pizza (not like every single day but sometimes you walk past a pizza parlor and you’re like dude i will pay you 100 bucks to give me a slice made with almond flour. and no cheese. And no sugar in the sauce. Mission impossible? Probabilmente.)
  7. YoLo Frozen Yogurt. And chocolate chip ice cream. And ice cream in general.

Just kidding. I promise I will not stuff my face with all the items on the list on day 31. But I will fight every urge in my body to do so. Seriously.

Cheating

I’ve been doing really well when I eat out. So far, ordering side salads instead of fries and pulling off the buns of otherwise-paleo-friendly sandwiches has been my go-to protocol for eating out. It’s been manageable. If I have cheated at all, it has been because some mean old chef buttered my steak or added real sugar to my maple-bacon brussels sprouts (yes, those exist. At South of Beale. and yes, they are heavenly).

But on Friday, I made a conscious decision to cheat, mostly because I hate sending food back (this is a big reason. I hate hate hate sending food back almost as much as I hate squirrels living in my attic and birds in general. Ask me about those last two later).

Friday, I had a lovely evening meal at Bleu, a restaurant in the Westin in downtown Memphis. I had studied the menu before I left, and the scallops seemed like a safe bet (and scallops are like the best seafood item ever. This comes from a girl who is approaching her one-year anniversary as a person who eats seafood). The menu item read: Seared Georges Bank Scallop, roasted butternut squash, dried cranberries, toasted pepita seeds, thyme, caramelized onions, brown butter cream. It seemed safe enough, minus the cream. But I figured the cream would just be on the side or as a garnish, so it would be easy to take off without having to be that bratty customer who orders things their way (I hate being that person.)

Well, I was wrong. In went my order. And out came a beautiful, large white bowl with a soup-like layer of creamy yellow fragrant deliciousness. Oh yeah, and in the center of the buttery heaven were the aforementioned scallops and cranberries and squash and seeds.

Dang. Not exactly what I expected. I was faced with the choice of sending the item back and requesting no cream, or just biting the bullet. You know how I feel about sending things back. The glass of wine or two (or three. oops!) at happy hour may have also influenced my willpower wall to come a-crumbling down.

So I ate. And I ate and ate and ate until my dairy-deprived self was content. I didn’t slurp the bowl or anything, but I indulged. And it was delicious.

And you know what, I didn’t die. I didn’t even have a stomach ache or anything. Of course, cheating is something I am going to avoid doing in the next fifteen days, of course. Moving forward, I am going to ask more questions about the suspicious side items and avoid ordering things that may steer me off-course. Some bloggers might have failed to mention such misgivings, but I feel I must be completely honest with you, dear reader. If you think paleo is 100% dancing in the kitchen and finding magical paleo-friendly meals at restaurants, I want to play no part in furthering that misbelief. Generally, it’s fairly simple and easy. But sometimes it is not.

Sometimes, we are not perfect paleoites. Sometimes we order scallops that are (surprise!) sitting in five gallons of cream sauce and sometimes we don’t send it back and we just eat the scallops anyway. But most of the time we take the bread off our burgers and ask for no cheese and for oil and vinegar instead of our beloved ranch and pass on the tortilla chips and french fries. So most of the time we are doing okay. When the cavewoman stumbles, she gets right back up, more determined than ever to conquer this world’s obsession with over-processed over-scientific mumbo jumbo (is most of this stuff even deserving of the title food?), one almond flour-breaded nugget at a time.

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